And I'm wishing summer was longer.

Emerson starts kindergarten tomorrow. This starts a whole new stage in our house. He is heading off to school all day, everyday. He's ready.

I'm not.

I'm not ready because I want more time with him at this stage. Summer went by so fast and we had so many adventures but I don't think we got enough down time together. You know, the kind of time where you lay in the grass and watch the sky go by. Or, the kind of time that you take long walks around your neighborhood discovering new things.

I'm not ready because I don't know how any of this "real" school works. I mean I know the basics like what time to drop him off and what time to pick him up, but I don't know where I go for those. He wants to get hot lunch so we loaded his account and he knows the number but what happens if he can't remember his number. Those are little things that are easier to navigate and I'm glad that little are all of my things. I was just really sure that I would be more ready.

I'm not.

I'm pretty sure I am going to cry a lot tomorrow. I hate crying because my face turns red and my nose runs and it's not just a little, it's all out ugly. I don't want to cry. I want to be so excited for him that my excitement carries him through his nervousness. I know my tears will look like sadness to him and it will not calm his nerves.

So, I will hold his hand on the walk to school. I will try to make him feel less nervous. I will smile the entire time. I will be encouraging and hopeful. I will give him a hug so big his head pops off and then send him on his way.

I will let you know if I cry…